


The Burning Flames of Undying Passion

by dragonashes



Series: Quintessence: Undertale One-shots [28]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Cooking, Cooking Lessons, Don't Try This At Home, Fire, Gen, Spoilers - Undertale Neutral Route, Spoilers - Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-09 23:50:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12286839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonashes/pseuds/dragonashes
Summary: Papyrus doesn't know why he needs a bag of groceries for his first training session with Undyne, but he can't wait to find out!





	The Burning Flames of Undying Passion

Papyrus took a deep breath, eyeing the bag in his arms.  He had brought everything Undyne asked for: fresh vegetables, a few boxes of pasta, and some tea.  (Undyne hadn’t said what kind of tea she wanted, so he’d grabbed a box of each.  He was the greatest friend!!)

He just...didn’t know what she wanted them for.  She’d said something about training?  Were they going to use all of this...for  _ training?? _

COOL!!

He sloshed through the back alleys of Waterfall until he found the house it was looking for.  It looked a lot like the houses in Snowdin: two stories tall, made of completely of wood, with a small porch wrapped around the front and side.  Undyne always complained about it; she said the roof and the floor always leaked.  Apparently, wood was not a particularly good building material for an area as...damp as Waterfall, but there weren’t many better options.

He knocked on the front door and took a step to the side.  It was a good tactical move, because Undyne immediately slammed open the door, leapt out onto her front porch, and brandished a spear that crackled with her magic.

“FINALLY, PUNK!  I’ve been waiting for you!”

“BUT I’M HALF AN HOUR EARLY!!”

“NEXT TIME, BE HERE AN HOUR EARLY!!  ...Oh.”

The door, which Undyne had attempted to close behind her, was lying on the porch.

“...IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?”

“WHO CARES!  The door was WEAK!  I don’t need a wimpy door!  NGEH!”

“NYEHEHE!”

“Get in here, punk!”

Papyrus stepped inside, waited for Undyne to prop the door up so it half-covered the open door frame, and handed her the bag.  “I GOT EVERYTHING YOU ASKED FOR!  NOW ARE WE GOING TO DO TRAINING?”

“HELL YEAH!”  Undyne grabbed the bag, dumped the contents on the counter, and carefully separated the items into piles.  The tea she examined, sniffing each box gingerly.

“DO YOU...LIKE IT?”  Papyrus asked.  He wasn’t sure how much tea was required for Good Friendship; he couldn’t find a chapter on tea (or, strangely enough, training) in his Friendship Manual.

“These smell pretty good.  Huh.”  She opened a cupboard that contained a single box of tea (golden flower tea, Papyrus noted for future reference) and lined up the boxes.  She seemed to be arranging them in a specific order, but he couldn’t determine how she was sorting them.  It wasn’t by name, box color, ingredients, or aroma.  Perhaps it was by preference?  Hmm.  That seemed very arbitrary to him.

Suddenly, he found himself being lifted up by the back of his clothes (he was wearing his Cool Dude shirt in honor of the occasion along with sweatpants, which was the closest he’d ever come to actually sweating) and deposited in front of the stove in Undyne’s tiny kitchen.

“TIME FOR TRAINING!” she proclaimed, “NGEH!!”

“NYEH!  UM, UNDYNE?”

“Yeah, punk??”

“...WHY ARE WE TRAINING IN YOUR KITCHEN?”

Undyne paused for a brief moment.  When she turned back to look at Papyrus, her face was split by a wide, toothy grin.  “Because every great guard must also be...A MASTER CHEF!”

“NYOHOHO!  I CAN’T COOK!”

“That’s why I’m training you!!”

“THEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL NOT FAIL IN THIS NEW TRAINING!  BUT...WAIT.  THE GUARDS IN SNOWDIN...THEY’RE ALWAYS AT GRILLBY’S.  THEY CAN’T COOK!”

“I know!  It’s awful, right?”

“RIGHT!”

“And you’re gonna be a better guard, RIGHT?”

“RIGHT!!”

“THEN LET’S GET STARTED!!!”

“NYEHEHE!!!”

Undyne grabbed all the vegetables and put them in a bowl.  “Now today, we’re gonna make...SPAGHETTI!”

“HOORAY!  I HAVE ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR SPAGHETTI!  WHAT LUCK!”

“Um...yeah.  SO!  First, we need to make the sauce!  What’s the first step in making sauce??”

“I...ACTUALLY DO NOT KNOW??”

“Heh.  That’s fine.  The first step to making sauce is…” she reared back a fist, “PULVERIZING THE INGREDIENTS!!”

“WOWIE!  I NEVER KNEW!  THAT’S QUITE MESSY!”

“I know, RIGHT?  Your turn now!”

Papyrus looked at the lumpy pulp, then down at his gloves, then back at the pulp.  Oh, well.  He gave the vegetable lumps his best punch.

“IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO, PUNK??”

“NO!  I SHALL TRY HARDER!  NYEHEHE!!”

He kept punching until the vegetables were reduced to smears of red, green, orange, and yellow.  Most of those smears, he noted, were on his clothing...was that  _ supposed _ to happen??  No wonder he was so bad at cooking!  He was doing it all wrong!  That’s what he got for listening to Sans!

“GREAT JOB, PUNK!”  Undyne was covered in almost as much vegetable goop as he was.  “Next, we need to...BOIL THE PASTA!”

“LET’S DO IT, THEN!”

“GREAT ATTITUDE!  Uh, wait here a sec.”  She shuffled through her cupboards.  Most of them were empty, but one had a slightly lumpy pot inside.

“IS THAT POT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THAT?”

“Uh, yeah!  It’s a special...SPAGHETTI POT!”

“WOWIE!  I DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED A SPECIAL POT TO MAKE SPAGHETTI!”

“Well, you don’t really.  You CAN make it in a regular pot.  BUT!!!  This makes it SO MUCH BETTER!”

“NYEHEHE!  SO, WE ADD THE SAUCE TO THE POT?”

“NO!  First, we have to boil the pasta, remember?”

“OH, RIGHT!  HOW COULD I FORGET!”  He grabbed the boxes of pasta from the table and put them in the pot.

“WHAT WAS THAT???”

“UM…?”  He took the pasta back out of the pot.  Then, with a throw worthy of THE GREAT PAPYRUS, he slammed it right back in.  “THERE!  BETTER?”

Some of the pasta was starting to spill out of the box.  Was that alright?

“Ya know what?  I LIKE YOUR TECHNIQUE!!”

“HOORAY!”

“NEXT, WE NEED TO ADD WATER!  Uh, I’ll do this part.”  She filled a pitcher at her sink, then brought it over to the stove.  She looked intently at the pot for a long moment, then threw the water at the noodles with an impressive amount of force.

The water went everywhere.  All over Papyrus, all over Undyne, and all over the kitchen.  Some even hit the ceiling, dripping slowly into the pot.

“WATER!”  Undyne proclaimed.

“WATER!!”

“Okay.  We’re ready to...TURN UP THE HEAT!”

“OKAY?”  He carefully lit the old stove, then turned the flames up about halfway.  He wasn’t sure how hot the water had to be to boil pasta; he’d never tried to cook it before.  “HOW’S THAT?”

“NOT NEARLY HOT ENOUGH!!  Let the stove represent the BURNING FLAMES OF YOUR UNDYING PASSION! NGEH!”

“NYEHEHE!”  He did as Undyne asked.

“Wait, that’s-”

_ BOOOM!! _

Papyrus coughed.  The fire was spreading from the stove through the kitchen with surprising speed.  “U-UNDYNE?  ARE YOU ALRIGHT?  HUH.  CAN’T HEAR MYSELF TALK.  UNDYNE?”

He felt himself being lifted up over one muscled blue shoulder and hauled out of the house through the still-open doorway.

“WAIT!  SHOULDN’T WE PUT THE FIRE OUT?”  He wiggled, trying to get Undyne to put him down, but she was too strong.

She finally put him down once they were out in front of her house.  The flames had spread, engulfing the porch and most of the second floor.  That was...really bad.

“I-I”

“THAT WAS AWESOME!!  NGEH!”  Undyne pumped her arms.  Her voice sounded weirdly soft, even though Papyrus could tell she was yelling.  Huh.  “LET’S DO THAT AGAIN!”

“I THINK THAT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA RIGHT NOW.  SHOULDN’T WE PUT THE FIRE OUT?”

“Nah, punk.  I hated this old house.  NOW, I can build a new one!”

“I FEEL A BIT BAD, THOUGH.  I DIDN’T MEAN TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN.”

Undyne looked over at him and her face softened.  “Aww, Paps, it wasn’t your fault.  I told you to turn the heat up and you did.  Really, I shouldn’t have underestimated you!  The burning flames of your undying passion are CLEARLY too much for my wimpy house to handle!!  BUT!!  If you’re feeling bad about it...you can help me BUILD A NEW HOUSE!”

“NYEHEHE!  OKAY!”

“so this is what you two crazy kids are up to.”

“NGEH!”

“NYEH!”

Papyrus felt like he should have expected his brother to show up.  “SANS??  WHY ARE YOU HERE??”

“well, i was wandering through waterfall on my union-mandated break, and i heard a really loud noise.  thought i’d come keep it company.”  Sans brought something out from behind his back that he clearly hadn’t been holding a moment before.

“WHAT IS...OH NO.  SANS, NO.”

“sans, yes!”  He brought the trombone to his mouth and began to play some kind of jazzy tune.  The weird softness that had taken over Papyrus’s world did not save him from his brother’s terrible taste in music.

“SANS, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.”

Undyne was doubled over laughing, though, so Papyrus wasn’t too angry.  He even felt the side of his mouth twitching.  It  _ was _ a pretty jazzy tune.

“aww, well, i’ll throw you a bone there if it brothers you so much.”

“NYOHOHO!  THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER!”

“hey, at least you weren’t fired, right, bro?”

“SANS.  IT IS UNDYNE’S HOUSE THAT’S ON FIRE, NOT MINE.”

“guess you’re right.  well, see ya.”

“WAIT!”  He looked over at Undyne.  “UNDYNE...SINCE YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND IT’S PARTLY MY FAULT, DO YOU WANT TO STAY WITH US?  WE HAVE ENOUGH ROOM, RIGHT, SANS?”

Sans paused, looking at Papyrus with one of those looks that always make him feel like Sans saw more than just his face.  “yeah, we do.  we, uh, found a couch a few weeks back at the dump.  it’s a pretty good one; doesn’t even smell musty anymore.”

“THAT’S BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE KETCHUP AND YOUR WEIRD SCIENCE SMELLS!  ON SECOND THOUGHT, UNDYNE, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER WITH US.  IT CAN ONLY END IN TEARS.”

“Actually…” Undyne rubbed the back of her head lightly.  “If you guys don’t mind, I wouldn’t say no.  I don’t really have anywhere else to stay, and it’d be a great opportunity to hang out with a great skeleton!”

“EXCELLENT!  WE CAN HEAD RIGHT OVER!  DO YOU NEED TO GRAB ANYTHING FROM YOUR...WAIT.”

She laughed.  “I’ll stop by the shop in Snowdin.  It’s better than whatever Gerson has for sale, probably.  I’ll come back tomorrow and see what can be salvaged from my place.”

“THEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL HELP YOU IN THE NAME OF FRIENDSHIP!  AND SANS SHALL HELP BECAUSE...BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT FRIENDS’ BROTHERS DO!”

“wait, bro…”

“NO, I SHALL NOT WAIT!  WE HAVE A FRIEND IN NEED, AND IT IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY AS HOSTS TO PROVIDE WHATEVER OUR FRIEND MAY REQUIRE!”  He leapt up.  “I’LL RACE YOU BOTH BACK TO THE HOUSE!  THE LAST ONE THERE MUST FOLD THE LAUNDRY!”

“i’m gonna just take a quick shortcut; you two have fun-”

“NONSENSE, BROTHER!  UNDYNE, I SHALL BEAT YOU WHILE CARRYING MY BROTHER AS AN EXTRA CHALLENGE, SINCE OUR TRAINING WAS CUT SHORT BY THE FLAMES OF UNDYING PASSION!”

Undyne grinned widely.  “You’re ON, punk!  I can TOTALLY beat you to Snowdin!  NGEH!”

“NYEHEHE!  NO, WAIT, I’M NOT READY-”

But Undyne was already gone.  Papyrus huffed, hauled his brother over his shoulder (was Sans asleep??  Really??) and took off after her.

He folded all the laundry in record time that night.  By himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I think Papyrus and Undyne maaaay have given poor Sans a heart attack. I challenge anyone to convince me that Undyne didn't design and build her fish-shaped house; and I don't think she could have built it alone.
> 
> If anyone is following my one-shot series and is wondering where I went, I was writing longer story "Stars in the Deep" and the related one-shot series "The Void Between." It's a sweet and slightly sad love story, so check that out if that's your cup of tea.
> 
> Have a wonderful day, and stay safe!


End file.
